you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
