Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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