Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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