i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
