Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
