He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
