its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
