this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
