Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just pee around me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
