Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The best revenge is premature balding
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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