The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
