Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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