im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
