I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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