Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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