Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
