Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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