I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Randomize
