Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
