the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
