We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
