You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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