So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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