Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
