I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
