eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
