Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
