So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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