Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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