And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
