Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
