Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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