I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
