Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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