Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
