Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
