I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
