I faked an abortion last night.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
