i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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