that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
