sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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