There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
