Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
