my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
