Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
