I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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