I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
