I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
