And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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