Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
