Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
