drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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