Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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