Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
