I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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