I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
