the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
