Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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