I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
