I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
