Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
