You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize