ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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