You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize