She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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