she was so not down for the gang bang
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
