"it" just moved
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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