I got chris browned last night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
