I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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