Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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