My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
