Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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